Protected: private emotions

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Beautiful dawn – I’m just chasing time again.

woke up with the emptiness, makes me can’t go back to sleep despite my horrible sleeping habits.

i seek for happiness and things i can account for as far i can concern. I don find a need in hiding things, and i share what i know. big mistake, but the level of transparency was always there until one grow up and realised is not that good when everyone knows your dirty little secret and there is no apparent reason why one have to appear so naked with people who dont know any nuts about me. I don like things hanging, im not talking about dicks. I don like uncertain things, i dont like things with no confimation, i dont like situation whereby will lead me to guesses and more assumptions. As you guys have to know, cancerians are the most fucking emocore horoscope available in the 12 others, not forgetting they are ultra senstive and fragile. ok, i made the last part up, but cmon, we are already emo, and now we are senstive freaks, which makes us fragile okay. so i dont know. i get bitch fits every now and then, the morals in me keep haunting me to get the fact done. im not any _______, he’s not ________ and yadayadayda. it kept going on.

NOW PLAYING: everybodys somebodys fool. super oldies, and corny song i tell you.

Someday you’ll find someone you really care for.
And if her love should prove to be untrue.
You’ll know how much this heart of mine is breaking.
You’ll cry for her the way i’ve cried for you.
Yes, everybody’s somebody’s fool.
Everybody’s somebody’s plaything.
And there are no exceptions to the rule.
Yes, everybody’s somebody’s fool.

moving on, i got bitch fit again, yesterday. i do woke up in regrets, hoping i handle it more appropriately. i do hope i can make it up somehow, i din mean what i said, really. you know, i already had plans for some kind of celebration when you know, people see us as them, not he and she. i already know what we can do, what to buy, what activities we can do, how we can minimize the expenses and the to-bring list. i did them while day-dreaming and i forgot they are inspired by the fucking 5 paper i have to study for. But it certainly great planned, actually it’s a fucking total surprise, but i think you are too smart to get surprised. but whatever,that’s my plan. I Still want to do it, i need you to fulfill it. when i say go, i never did meant away. Huda was right, because of my can’t be bothered, my do-not care i actually lost a number of relationships. But i can’t lose this one yet, this is like kinda a investment i put my time, love , TLC, patience, sleeping habits, hectic plans, excitement, anger in. i always wonder, when i were to be someone irritating/stupid/ahlian/cheena i always wonder if you din change me, if not for you, im one of the hated person by myself. thankyouverymuch. i realised im a bitch in heart, i really can’t be bothered. if im left behind, okay, im left behind. if no one cares, okay. no one cares. there’s always my skippy at home, running in circle in attempt to create some fancy acts to welcome me home, he’s always so cute. i never been not able to smile with his stupid attempts to cheer me up. Oh, i was walking pass a park yesterday, feeling fucking pissed with dad and stuff then there this cat who came out from somewhere, followed me for a 50m walk, totally wants me to bring her home. she just make my day. thanks cat in the park, for making me special. i hate chinese new year, im just declared very single now, matter of fact, it was very complicated yesterday, but very single today. diverted phone calls/a switch off mobile always been my stunt, you steal them asshole. please use ur own on me, please. so upsetting to get the shits im been giving, it’s like karma0yesterday. But no doubt what i said yesterday, im afraid im only brutally honest to you, you and only you. i can tell you how din-bothered you were, how alone i felt even when u are just next to me. please do buzz me, im making this complete naked entry public for the benefit of you. im actually still thinking to invite you for the dinner today, but dad is an perfect asshole, i got my pettiness from him. really, i got my anger from him too. that’s why we are still in cold war now, he refuse to give me the money again. like whatever, hope he strike whatever and realised that money is all around, and gave me all. HAHA, not funny. we suppose to go clubbing together btw, i forgot. not with my dad, a new topic alr. but yeah, there’s alot of things that we have no do yet, it’s at the bottom of the list but we rather do the same old things everytime. We are not done here, come back. once we are done, we are then allow to decide what we are going to do next. i realised people really go, words left unsaid has too much different interpretation to it. i can’t afford that, i can’t afford that when people are leaving. I.E qamarulhuda. i dont know how many talks we have that involve, “don’t know what you thinking”, foolish . speechless. she’s leaving for christ sake, for a good 5 month, and for the next 6 month, it will be my turn. that makes up to the entire year 3, well done my friend, i still don get how you manage to change everyone life with that decision of yours. and also, tan deenie, she is for christ sake, going cambodia, what do they speak anywhere? what language? what food? omg, is not like going to middlesex road (no pud intended) and say you are lost, you are a working airplane away. if you did it, i pray to you, if you don’t. let’s hit the bar, you are the human i know. but i do hope you make it, don’t waste your youth on something stupid here. moving on, chewing on my 7D dried mango, icalled again. phone off, ur stupid maid hang up the call on me again. im really helpless here, i guess that’s what u were yesterday morning. but im worried. dead worried. and i can’t get away from my home at around 5 alr, i CAN’T. i will get shot, chop or whatever kongfu my mom and sister and dad knows. skippy just gonna hide. i want the card i showed u at vivo that day. can this get anymore obvious? i don’t know alr. yeap, we could we together if we don screwed it up altogether.im pretty lazy to pack the room. guess i have to. to keep things off my mind. you. please, please please, call when u read all this craps, cause im worried sick. the blue flower are gonna die if you don. skippy is gonna bite me if you don. call okay. call.

runs, bye.

So tell me now, tell me now
Why you’re so far away
When I’m still so close

 

anti-camera

 

if anyone gets the above, i will marry you!

HAHAHAHHA. OKAY, maybe i will just be ur maid.

 

im tired!
done with papers, i just pray for a pass! more actions coming up
due to attachments and department. everything is within this week!
and big booboo. i think i might just spoilt the second camera i borrow from a friend.

life sucks, visuals up soon and i will tell u how screwed i am.

totally gonna washup and sleep! plan for holidays tml, and blah.

try to fix the camera again

 

too close for comfort

you.

showing my fair lady, some cheenas.

if i have the ability to change something, is to make guys have the responsibility to give bring new livings to life, to go thru MENS, and to go thru the emotion roller coaster that goes with it.

i hate mens, cramps suck my ass.

but being happy that scm is over, and tried Mad Jack.

 okay, i will share my TLC  to that someone to will buy me this bag.

 

im into starlight- muse

byebye, cramps is killing me, i cant feel my lower part

HELP!

 

 

bad feels

i nearly bought this, but yeah

im sleepy,that’s why i din buy

AND IM WAITING FOR ULTA SPREE, AND THE HANDBAG SPREE!

totally regret not buying the other time.

anyways, totally in online shopping mood, because so much cheaper than sucker singapore.

OKAY, some stuffs.

anyways, work tml. total turnoff.

hmmmm. i miss clubbing. can’t wait for paper to be over.

then again. i will be working

okay. better not

anyways. i plan to:

work everyday esp for thurs, from 9/10-5

sunday:10-4

i kept thinking i willbe getting into rouble for work tml.

 

long way to go

first thing first.

fuck you projects, u making me mad.

and also

to that someone who said:

Ting, u r DEAD to me now. don bother and don pretend u care. i don need random hellos no more.

in her blog.

just to add on, hello aint random.

there’s reason for everything, (not trying to justify my not-so-random hello)

but hey, u dont even bothered to reply decently a simple how are you message, what kinda time u want me to spare you? reply like “good” just put everything to a fullstop. im been busy and sparing time for friends who were there when im in need.

you dont see the point.

this is the hardest thing , but you prolly dont even know i have this blog, so yeah.  where were you when i needed friends the most? i have arguements with “friend” trying to justify the heresays, but hey, those who were REALLY there for me are the closer one now. and i totally see what’s the meaning of a friend in need is a friend indeed. old, drama but so true. at least (Even when they are in love) they don tell me what their boyfriend gets for her, what did the boyfriend wrote for her, and some photoshopped picture that the friend made for her. cool. but not at that point of time, when your “best buddy” me is so bloody upset over her 2YEARS RELATIONSHIP breakup. and to think u think let me hear the sweet nothing (seriously, im not into this kinda thing, even when im okay now) between u and ur guy. oh please, don tell me you dont even know what is being senstive and being at least smart enough to know your limit. BUT. you didn’t. i thot meeting up with you is a brilliant choice because u can make me feel better. BUT no. u refuse to let me talk, cutting me every now and then, tell me you and ur guy is unstable. but look. even after that, i date you. u are ” OHH, im with him, next time okay” . get the drift? and u knew how annoyed i will be when people dont mean what they say. then what the fuck did you say all that for? i think remember i went down to ur workplace to meet you, and we are(AND im the sadder one) debating if we should take train or bus (cmon, im a total bus person) and bus won cos i offer to pay for the fare and end up in IMM, giant. where u decides to spent ur last few penny on cakes for your family. and getting money from me to take bus. and not forgetting. I HAVE TO GO OVER TO YOUR PLACE, because your mom is not happy about you staying out late.

money part, i dont give a shit. going ur house. fine.

but just the point that u din make me feel better just screw everything up.

yes, we did camwhore( i got super memory), we did bought a necklace together. but seriously. nothing just went to mend my heart. it seems that u are suffering from the heartbreak. NOT FORGETTING, my ex bf did made me a song. thou not studio made. but at least is the first during that time when we are at secondary 2 &mypuma bag is a birthday git from him, my baby G watch was a gift, well. because it look nice. gift? money?

why are u telling me all this? when u jolly well know that i had that before?

share the joy? not the time baby.

there’s a time and place for everything, like how frank you were in your blog. this is how frank im gonna get here.

my recent hello is not random, i just want to start a converison with you, so i can rant about how ur fucking stupid ex boyfriend, jeff the ball-less tried (oh so not successfully) date me and oh, he’s a admirer of my boobs btw. but your good. just screw everything up and makes me go back to my work. cmon, i dont waste 5 cent for nothing. there’s a reason why things are not trash out since then, cause u don see the point.

i still remembered that day, after a long rejection from you (OH, IM with him, another day okay.) u called me early in the morning, i still remember, i was going breakfast with mom, and im going to be late for lab. you called and ask if i can teach you some maths question and when i said i cant , u ask me to skip my school instead.

whoa.

im left speechless.

if it was me, then. i wun have head down to your house with 2 EVM breakfast.  and maybe wait for you to finish ur paper and hang out after that.

i felt so stupid. 

i refuse to do that because

1. your boyfriend FORGOT to teach you that part

2. you actually have the cheek to ask me to skip school when u rejected me millon times

3. because, simply you are not there when i needed more

and therefore, you are not worth it

im sorry, but i do expect from friends, especially i tried so hard to fit in everyone in me, to the extent, have to throw away the love i had. and especially when i went over when YOU are suffering from a bad breakup with jeff (the ball-less).

expectation leads to disappointment. i totally agree

i wonder if u seen skippy before  or even know what floor im staying on.

or maybe, what  course im taking in school?

bottom line, i felt this friendship is one sided. it’s always

me going over ur place

me going to “stay over”

you asking me to go RP to pick you up, and go back ur home and go ESP( which i find it nonsensical )

blah, it’s stupid to mention.

but the fact that u neglect me when im so weak and unloved, u decides to be a boyfriend-junkie.

even monica, someone whom i consider 100% junkie came and bond with me like months ago. maybe when u are done with ur exams, when ur guy is too caught up with you. you then decides to bond with me?

im sorry for the assumptions, time must have caught my brain .

i define friend differently now

those, who is unworthy, will not get my worth.

ive moved on, the breakup taught me a huge lesson.

when someone is having problems with home, she is still checking out me, worrying about me

when someone is worried that i’ll be still upset, and was happy when im happy

when someone is checking out on you

when someone do something random,but just want to ask “are you okay”

or when someone ask if im good today

when someone just assure that things will turn out better

they are my top fav6 friends. no prize for guessing.

there’s also some, whose always there,

and monica, whom i have bonding talk with, and someone, i really wish her love, and blessing.

i dont believe anyone with a blog, will actually don check out ur bestfriend blog

cause, even thou we aint close anymore. i still check out yours, if ur life in bulls. maybe a forwarded msg will cheer you up.

but yeah, no comment about that.

im jaded, very very jaded. fuck politics.

politics are for people who are afraid they will be without friends, frame and love

im sick of all those fucking thing.

those who are too afraid to speak

too afraid to be yourself

too afraid of saying no.

enjoy living. you still have a long way to go.

ps:  not saying im free from politics, but at least im better than yours (:

 

oh, my lipstick and eyeliner is here today!

report,byebye

 

damn.

i think im screwed.

 

i hate msn. reall.

I CANT GET ONLINE!

so upsetting, im sorry mistress

internet is loading like snail maybe me so frustrated.

catching the dance floor now. it’s boring.

 

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